Our Domicile

As I write this I’m staring down the last three days of a month off work. A month off work!

A month of work is a pretty rad thing for anyone, but a very rare and strange thing for those of us who run our own businesses. I have never, in the entire near 12  year history of my business had more than 2 weeks off work. That kind of almost includes my mat leave last year, which was either 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months long depending on how you define “off work”. And, as those of you who’ve had a baby enter your life know, while that may be “time off work” it isn’t anything that resembles time off.

So. A month off.

How do I feel? What did I do? Admittedly, I’ve spent the last few days of my final week here feeling quite grumpy about my time coming to an end. One of those catch-22 emotional quagmires we all get ourselves into that would benefit from being more in the present (still off work!) and less in the worrying about the future. I’m working on letting that go and just enjoying these last 72  hours. What did I do? Lots and not nearly enough.

I had a list, as I’m want to do, of things to do with my time off. I’ve been working on this list for months. It was a Google Doc. I would add to it everytime I saw an inspiring project on Pinterest, a recipe I wanted to try or a project around the house I wanted to complete. There were many things on that list that didn’t get done. Things like “relandscape the front yard” or “paint our bedroom, hallway and livingroom”. There were some that did. Mostly there are things that have been begun and are now in process. And, I’ll admit, part of my grump is that there aren’t as many things on the “done” list and a few too many on the in progress list. That said, here’s a list of things that did happen:

• Lots of yoga. Some of it good. Some of it ok. One class that was completely irritating to me. But, the bigger thing: I got back to yoga. Regularly. And it felt good. So, now I’m hoping to carry with me the habit of doing exercise that feels good more regularly (I really hadn’t done much since my daughter was born 18 months ago).
• Lots of canning. Two types of blueberry jam, many jars of pickles and there are some cherries awaiting processing on my counter. I had higher hopes of canning tomatoes, but frankly the weather did not cooperate this summer (I’ve still only had a handful of ripe tomatoes off my plants). The best part of canning however was twofold. One, I rediscovered that canning in small batches is not nearly as arduous as I always think it will be, and is in fact something that can be done after the wee one is in bed, quite easily. Two, I’m making a serious dent in my canning jar collection. I currently have far fewer empty jars than full ones. That, my friends, is a serious accomplishment.
• Decluttering. I can always do more of this, and I still hold out hopes of a garage sale this Sunday. But. I did a serious purge of clothes, books, baby stuff and passed things on to places where they will have more use/purpose than tucked into my drawers. The upside on this one is going to sound really cheesy, but having spent a lot of time over the last month purging  of things, consigning, donating and regifting things I have a renewed commitment to simply acquiring a lot less. A bit lesson here was when I found the better part of my pre-pregnancy summer wardrobe languishing in a drawer in the basement and realized that I was surviving and enjoying summer without it. Turns out that perfect pair of black peddle pushers may in fact be awesome, but is totally not integral bliss.
• Creating. The biggest number of things on my list were about creating. Sewing. Knitting. Gardening. Painting. Building. Some of those things happened. Some are well on their way. Some I decided against in the sober light of a clear head. That said, I am committed to going back to creating. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes here and there. When I first really got into knitting I loved being able to just pick up my work for 20 minutes when I had that time, and then putting it back down. Sewing felt a lot trickier that way, due to the set up, but having had some more expanses of time to sew now, I’m hooked again on the thrill of the project, so I think I’m more committed to carving out the time.
• Cleaning. Less of it. Having more time off gave me more time to clean. (Doesn’t that sound like something out of a 50s housewife manual). But, with a toddler around there is seriously always cleaning to be done. Multiple dishes from snacks, meals, more snacks and food prep. Toys. Everywhere. Books. Everywhere. Laundry. Laundry. Laundry. Sand coming home from the playground in tiny little pockets and finding its way onto freshly vacuumed floors. Blueberry stains on door frames, kitchen cupboards and on couches. I could go on. And on. And yet, while I spent what felt like a lot of the first two weeks off trying to stay on top of that cleaning, I quickly realized it was a Sisyphean task and that just letting some of it go, really didn’t make any different to my quality of life. So while Martin and I both stay on top of the basics of the kitchen and picking up toys/books every evening, the scrubbing and perfecting I’m less stressed out about.
• Socializing. We had lots of opportunities to have people over. And it was great. With a wee one, both of us working, and in particular with Martin working late during the week and Saturdays during the day, we often don’t make the effort to have people over. But, it’s so great to connect with friends. In many ways I wish we had done even more of this. But, again this is one that can continue.

I’m also really hoping to blog more again. We’ll see if that happens. I had hoped to do it during my vacation but had to try my best to stay away from the computer when it wasn’t absolutely necessary, otherwise my vacation felt a lot like work. That said, I have a lot of projects in process that, when completed, I’m going to want to share. And, I’ve got an awful lot of fabric I caved and purchased online this last week that will need to turn into projects once it arrives. Blogging has always been a good way of motivating me to the finish line.

So, with that. I’m off to try to let go and enjoy my last few days of summer holiday.

I’ve always categorized knitting as yet another hobby that I simply do not have time to partake in. With a serious stash of unsewn fabric already languishing on the shelves, I’ve actually seen my resistance to take up knitting as a kind of virtue, knowing full well that it will likely only lead to more unfinished projects and yarn stashes. I’ve also always been a bit concerned about flaring up repetitive strain injuries that my work life puts me at risk of.

But.

Since entering my new life with babe, and the arrival of two fabulous knitting stores in my midst (one in my neighbourhood and the other owned by a friend and full of inspiring organic yarny delights), I’m done with resisting. The final push towards knitting is coming as I’m finally getting moments of independence and respite as little Miss L is better as amusing herself for small stretches and naps (somewhat) more regularly. Add that to a new going to bed ritual that involves Martin more than me, and I’m finding myself with moments snatched here and there that I’m aching to fill with some kind of project. While, I could in theory sew in these moments, the set up of the sewing room (in the basement) and the kinds of projects I like to take on, I really need stretches of time that are not yet abundant in my life. But, knitting. Well knitting (or so I fantasize) can happen while she plays on the floor in the livingroom, or in the 45 minutes or so of energy I have once the baby is in bed and the adults are fed.

And so, I have begun. In my dream world I was going to take an intro class. But, life isn’t quite predictable enough for me to sign-up for and commit to a class yet. So, last night, with some yarn I’ve had on the dresser for a few weeks now and a pattern I’m aspiring to follow in hand, I set down with the internet, youtube videos of the incomparable knitting goddess Vickie Howell, and taught myself to cast on. And, after five or six attempts and redos I think I’ve got that part down. (It did require one phone call to a dear friend in Portland to get some guidance to help me reduce my tension). Now I’m working on trying to knit up a gauge square, which is… well with a bit more googling and youtube, not doing too badly? I think? We’ll see.

The whole knitting up a sample square thing seems to be akin to the “sew a muslin first” of sewing. One of those slow and steady wins the race things, where it’s worth investing the time up-front but I must admit I’m itching to get to the real goods. I’m also, of course, itching to move beyond my initially selected project to something more challenging/exciting. Like this awesome totoro hat (!) or this gorgeous little knit dress kit for wee girls at Plum Studio.

But, for now. I’ll stick to my square. Which is so far, not measuring up as it were. But I’m just going to keep going and get the hang of things. Tomorrow I’m hoping to attend a friends crafting gathering and hopefully can get some tips there to help me make some more progress.

I’ve been off blogging, or rather too exhausted/busy/tired to blog for … well let’s see it looks like roughly 16 months or so now. And what’s 16 months add up to? Well generally it adds up to the length of my pregnancy + the age of my daughter (give or take).

As long time readers of this much neglected blog* might remember, I spent a few years (about 3) struggling with trying to have a baby. When I finally got pregnant, it was after many, many tests, pokes, prods and fertility treatments, and to be perfectly honest, once I was pregnant I spent approximately 38 weeks holding my breath. Blogging, or talking about my pregnancy online felt like tempting fate. Writing about anything else felt totally false. And so. I stopped blogging. Also, there was the nausea. And exhaustion. And then, well then there was a baby. And trying to find time for work. And that left little to no time for blogging. But, my daughter is eight months old now, and while it’s certainly not like I’m drowning in free time, we’re starting to get a rhythm going around the house. The balance of childcare part-time, working, sleeping, eating, singing, playing and general babying is starting to feel manageable. And with that, I’ve been finding myself thinking a lot about this here blog. Or more particularly about some of the topics I used to occupy my mind with: sewing, cooking, general crafts, DIY home renos etc. Both Martin and I have been sneaking in little crafty projects here and there, and yesterday I actually managed to make a full Thanksgiving (Canadian) dinner, including pumpkin pie from scratch without it being a total chore. So, I’m thinking we’re getting back to a point where sewing, knitting (I’m determined to learn how), baking and such are back on the proverbial menu.

Things I’d like to get back to writing about:

• New thoughts and approaches to cooking that relate to simple/easy doable meals while I’m working/baby wrangling but that also satiate my seemingly bottomless breastfeeding appetite. A hint: I’m making good use of my mini pie plates these days.
• Documenting my adventures in knitting. I’m truly inspired by knitting for really the first time in my life — I’ve always been more of a sewing girl — mostly I’m into the process/materials. I love the yarns and the coziness of it all, and with more quiet time at home with smaller stints of time to get things done I’m quite enamoured of the idea of picking up a knitting project to offer a distraction.
• A Mighty Life List. I’ve been working on some form of this kind of list for ages now, but am getting serious about it again. I’m stuck in the 40s still, but inspired by it.
• Sewing. I’ve got some (ambitious) sewing projects in mind, plus the thrill of making stuffies and dresses for little Miss L on the horizon. (I also have an embarrassing amount of unused fabric that must find projects).
• Home renos. Perhaps its spending more time at home, but we talk a lot about little projects to take on to improve the house these days. Not sure how much of it we’ll actually get to, but there are many in the planning stages. We also need to finish off the renos that Martin sped through in the first days of Miss L’s life to move my office and make enough bedrooms  to house us all.

So, not sure how frequent this will be. But, I’m really looking forward to getting back to it.

* The blog used to “live” on Typepad but I’ve moved it to WordPress, because Jeez Louise I run a website design company, so hosting my own blog shouldn’t be that difficult.

new half moon zafu
Originally uploaded by emira

A few weeks ago now (nearly a month) a trusted advisor told me, in no uncertain terms, that I need to learn to meditate. Now.

I've been told before that meditation would do me a world of good, and I've always theoretically believed this to be true. I say theoretically because, to be totally honest, I spent many years believing that meditation — namely the idea of calming your mind (or heaven forbid ridding it of all thought entirely) — was actually about one breath away from death. Sound dramatic? Perhaps it is, and I never really rationally held this thought, but as an over-achieving, driven and cerebral person, the idea of clearing my mind of thoughts seemed like the antithesis of what I generally strive for day in and day out. Of course, those of you who understand meditation understand that that is kind of the point (and I'm slowly coming around to that realization now myself), but the point was lost on me for the better part of three decades.

The push towards meditation that I got this time really seemed to resonate with me. The woman who was encouraging me to give it a whirl probably wasn't expecting me to laugh in her face and respond with flippant "whatever" that carried all the underlying stress that life brings and my stubborn belief that there's not much that can be done to change that. She responded, very patiently, by reminding me that meditation is truly a practice. You're not supposed to get it right from the start. I guess that was the second part that always turned me off of meditation: the idea that you have to practice sitting and breathing. Seriously? I'm generally a person who strives to do most things that I do really well. The idea that I would need to practice sitting and breathing kind of struck me as a bit embarrassing to be honest.

Still, this woman's response stuck with me. And after mulling it over for 48 hours I decided I would give it a whirl. Afterall, I really had little to lose in the proposition. And so, I committed to myself to sit for 10 minutes (I set a kitchen timer) every morning right after I get up. Just 10 minutes. My rationale? It can't really hurt, and to sound all Oprah-you-go-girl-ish: I kind of owe this to myself. After a week, during which most days 10 minutes was fairly easy but a few were littered with me checking the timer slyly (so that no one would know I was cheating?) out of the corner of my eye every 45 seconds, I felt like maybe this was a possible option for me after all. It's been hard. Hard on mornings when I've worked late the night before and I feel like I need to get into work to get back at it as soon as possible. Hard on mornings when I'd rather stay in bed just a little bit longer. But, each time I tell myself "it's just 10 minutes."

The second week was a bit strange. I don't know if this is normal, but during the second week I was a crabby MOFO. I felt like this exercise of sitting and calming myself every morning was actually unearthing all kinds of anger and frustration that wanted to take over. And for that week, they kind of did. The next week, things were a bit easier again. And, after three weeks of meditating on a cushion grabbed off the couch I decided to invest in a meditation cushion of my very own (the very lovely zafu pictured here which is from Half Moon Yoga here in Vancouver. I have nasty tight hamstrings so the cushion makes it much more comfortable to sit.

This last week of meditating I've actually been really enjoying it thoroughly. As Spring comes to the West Coast some mornings during the mere 10 minutes that I sit, I'll close my eyes to the view of a last sliver of moon on the horizon and open them to the red of the sunset and chirp of the first birds. This morning, a Saturday so I was up a bit later, I sat with the sun streaming in and warming my face.

I'm very tempted to do research online, to buy books on meditation and to try to "get better" at this as quickly as possible. But I'm holding myself back. For the time being I'm just going to stick with the sitting. The sitting and breathing and trying to clear my mind (never really succeeding for more than a few breaths). For now, that seems like enough.

No, we haven’t officially hit the middle of the month yet but holy smokes it’s been for-ev-er since I posted over here. Why? Usual reasons I suppose. Busy at work. Busy at home. Plus I’ve been on the road with work and the book, and getting a couple of days of playtime in there with a visit with the lovely Alex as well. And now suddenly it’s November. It’s dark and rainy by 5pm nearly every day and I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea that this year is nearly over. But before it ends: my birthday! It will in fact be my birthday in a week (November 15th) and this year I don’t really have big plans for a splashy celebration, though I’m hoping for a nice dinner party at our place which may or may not involve some champagne I have kicking around, but I need to get on organizing that before it’s too late.

I also know (or think I know) that my darling Martin has yet to find just the perfect gift, so to help him out (and inspired by Alex’s gorgeous Esty post) I’ve put together an Etsy wishlist. So my darling, if you’re stuck anything from here would do most wonderfully.

Things on the web I wish I had more time for:

• Megan's (Not Martha) interview with CraftBoom is up. I can't say enough about how generous, talented and lovely Megan is. Read her thoughts on running an online craft-based business and share in her awesomeness.
• Still on the business tip, you can hear Lauren and me talk about The Boss of You and the business of being in business from our Lab session at Velocity if you're so inclined. The Podcast is up here.
• Vickie's awesome blueberry died wool. Where does that gal find the time?
• Mighty Girl's 8 Books that Changed Me has got me thinking. I wish I had more time to compile my own list. Alas.
• Lemon Achiote Grilled Tofu. Yumm.

And on a somewhat random (but, hey you never know) tip: if you're a php/Drupal developer in Vancouver (or thinking of moving here really soon) looking for work, check out our job posting. The sooner we fill this job, the sooner I have time to breath.

We have done some truly awesome veggie/vegan eating since we arrived in New York on Sunday night. Much of that has been thanks to the recommendations of friends (Felicia is a rock star in more ways than one), as well as general internet researching.We're still here for a few more days and I've got a few places on my list I'm hoping to get to, but so far here's my run down on veggie recommendations in New York, for those who are so inclined:

• Peep: (Soho, 177 Prince Street) We ended up at Peep thanks to our lovely hosts for the first part of our trip. Chris and Sara very kindly put us up in their Soho flat for three nights, and helped us find good food when we first arrived. Peep doesn't honestly have the scope of veggie thai options that many places I've been to have offered, but really that's just splitting hairs. The entire back half of their menu can be made with tofu and really I always order green curry with eggplant anyway, so why am I complaining? Peep also managed to fit our request for "good thai food, and flattering lighting". After a day of airports and planes lighting felt like it mattered. The tasty cocktails were a bonus too.
• Bread: (Nolita, 20 Spring Street) Felicia brought us to Bread, so I knew it would be a winner. Bread is not a veggie specific place (neither is Peep) but there were plenty of options to choose from. Predictably, Bread has awesome bread. They also have wickedly tasty tomato soup and a to die for mushroom polenta dish that Felicia implored me to ordered (and rightly so). This is the kind of place with very tasty gourmet paninis (on awesome bread) made with gourmet cheeses and tasty bits. There were plenty of meaty options at bread too, but as a veggie I definitely didn't feel left out. It's a very cute little room too, though Felicia warns of occasional drunk eurotrash. This would be the perfect spot to stop for a lunch break while shopping Soho or Nolita, and made for an excellent Monday night dinner.
• Candle 79: (154 East 79th @ Lexington) We ducked into Candle 79 (they also have a second locations called the Candle Cafe) after spending the morning at the Met. It was a recommendation from our client, who we met with the day before. I say ducked in as this was the day of the rain. All the food at both Candle Cafe's is entirely vegan and absolutely delicious. Truly stunning. Apparently seitan is their speciality. It was really hard not to order dessert.
• Brown: (Lower East Side, 61 Hester Street) Another recommendation from Felicia, though she couldn't join us, so we took our gracious hosts Chris and Sara with us. Brown is also not a veggie exclusive place (and if memory serves may be a bit tricky for vegans as they had a lot of local cheese in things), but was definitely tasty and offered several veggie choices. Their schtick is local food (most of it coming from the Hudson Valley) and organic beers and wines. Brown is a pretty tiny room (I'd say it seats 20) that reminded me very much of being in Europe. Simple decor, excellent light fixtures, high ceilings, white walls. The food was excellent and again turning down dessert was a bit painful.

Tonight we're off to Angelica's Kitchen, which a friend back home literally took my hands in hers while emploring me to visit. Fortunately I only had a small bowl of soup for lunch at Union station in DC this afternoon, so I may be able to squeeze in dessert tonight!

It turns out all this publishing a book business is rather enough to keep one occupied for days/weeks on end. Between various book related things, and book blog posting I feel like I’ve barely had time for domestic life, let alone time to blog about it.

Martin, on the other hand, is up to all kinds of housey stuff lately, but sadly he’s hopeless at documenting it, and even worse at typing. So some of that will go unrecorded until I find the time to put it together.

Between making my living at the computer and all the book related computer time, I’ve been trying to spend most of my down time away from the computer. Martin and I have in fact recently taken up a semi-regular habit (say 2-3 times a week) of going to the community centre gym. I’m enjoying it more than I’ve enjoyed gym-like exercise in the past (I’m typically more of a dance class/yoga kind of exercise girl) and in a further twist of strangeness am actually really enjoying the treadmill. I was always the girl left out running around the track long after everyone else had gone back into the changeroom in P.E. class, so enjoying running is truly novel to me. There’s just something about the total contrast between all the sitting and thinking of my normal life and clocking miles on the treadmill that is making me rather happy these days. I’ve also found that I most enjoy my time at the gym when I’ve got either comedy (hello hello David Cross!), audio books or language podcasts on my iPod. Today Lauren turned me on to the Stephen Fry podcast (or podgram as he calls them) and I can not recommend a better accompaniment for exercise if you, like me, enjoy a little wit and esoteric commentary with your treadmill time. (Having actually just typed that, I’m going to assume I may be among the very few who do in fact enjoy comedic musings on Victorian era aestheticism on the treadmill, but if you’re one of the other few I dare say you’ll thank me as you chuckle through cardio).

We’re off to Seattle, New York and DC next week on a mini book tour of sorts. If anyone has ideas for recommending things to do, see and eat in New York in particular I’d love to hear it (we’re in Seattle very briefly and in DC for not much longer). So far I’ve been taken by the hand and instructed to eat at Angelica’s Kitchen and I’ve discovered a Seville connected vendor of handmade flamenco shoes that I must stop in on. All other recommendations for beautiful foods, lovely shops and must see locations are most welcome.

While I like a good Spring clean as much as the next person, I really hadn’t planned on spending last weekend scrubbing my house out with bleach. I had especially not planned on being locked in said house, dependent on the kindness of very kind friends to drop of care packages of movies, gingerale and saltines while we withered  indoors during Vancouver’s first beautiful sunny weekend. We got Norwalk, also known as the nasty, nasty stomach bug that just won’t quit. And if being up all night expelling the contents of your entire guts isn’t enough fun for you, Norwalk seems to  leave you basically wasted for about 48-72 hours afterwards, which is helpful since unless you hate the human race — particularly the ones who inhabit your community — you really ought to quarantine yourself. And so we did.

Martin and I have never been sick together. Not really. There was that time in Costa Rica when he was sick on the way down, and I was sick a few days later and we’ve had the odd overlapping cold where one starts to get sick as the other is pulling out, but this was different. We were both in bed, flat out useless from Thursday night until sometime Sunday evening. The end. Even moving to the couch to watch movies together was more than we could handle. So, we didn’t. We actually lay in beds having conversations like this:

"I can’t get comfortable."
"Me Neither."
"Do you mind if I just kind of roll around and moan for a while? I think that might be more comfortable."
"Sure, I did that this morning. It helped."

We had the conversation more than once. I don’t tell you all this to get pity. We have enough for ourselves. But rather to note that while I’d never, ever want to have Norwalk again (ever), there was something strangely lovely about having it with Martin. We always comment on how little time off we have together. Save our vacations away, we only have one common day off (Sundays) and we’re almost always doing chores/running errands/tearing the house apart or putting it back together/etc. It was kind of nice to just lay around, even if it was in agony. And to know that we can lay around in agony together and actually laugh every once in awhile. Almost makes up for missing bike rides through the Spring weather and cherry blossoms. Almost.

This book thing just gets more and more surreal all the time. Get your copy now, if you’re so inclined.